There’s this phrase in military life: “Embrace The Suck.”
It means you’re supposed to just accept that shitty things are going to happen to you and your family, and that you have literally no power in changing any of it, and it’s better for your mental health if you just stop trying to make things good, and “Embrace the suck.”
I hate this phrase.
I hate it for lots of reasons. Reasons I thought about and fumed about while I listened to a nonsense YA book and made tortillas last week.
I wanted to make tacos for dinner. I had some salmon from Butcher Box defrosting, and instead of doing the usual Salmon and Asparagus with Brown Rice (so healthy but sooooooo boooooooooorrrriiiiiiiiiiiing), I wanted tacos. I’d been thinking about my friends from Fort Benning, and our sushi escapes from our hell-ish existence, and the Spicy Honey sauce at our favorite haunt, Samurai.
Boom.
Spicy Honey Salmon Tacos.
I had most of the ingredients, sriacha, honey, salmon, and some leftover avocado crema from one of my all time favorite recipes from Clean Eating Magazine, Korean Steak Tacos. (Asian fusion food blows my mind hole, ok?)
What I didn’t have – thanks to the Kim Chi Steak Tacos, was tortillas.
What I also didn’t have, was the patience to navigate 21 aisles of an unfamiliar back-ass-wards grocery store that puts office supplies on the same aisle as pasta sauce for tortillas. Fought that battle once this week already, not playing that game again, thanks.
Well. I have flour. I have a pan. I can make tortillas.
So. I did.
I’ve been kind of undergoing some personal growth lately. I’ve been trying to do things that scare me, and a big part of that ongoing war is beating the voice in my head that over thinks things and tells me I can’t.
I didn’t even give that voice time.
I didn’t overthink it. I didn’t over research it. I didn’t debate whether I had the right materials or how long it would take. I googled “paleo homemade tortillas with almond flour,” clicked on the first recipe that didn’t require xantham gum or the blood of my grandmother’s first born son.
I put on my audible book, took out a mixing bowl, and got to work.
Here’s the recipe: https://stephaniesain.com/soft-almond-flour-tortillas-gluten-free/
I don’t use cornstarch, so I subbed arrow root powder (a grain free alternative to cornstarch).
Ya’ll. She’s serious about needing patience for this mess. My first tortilla literally sacrificed itself to the gods in my old, warped, scratched non stick pan. It earned itself a retirement to my trashcan, along with that damned pan itself. BUT I WILL NOT ACCEPT DEFEAT.
I used what we call our “egg pan” instead, a copper 6” blessed gift from the heavens. It’s small, though. So this process took… A. WHILE.
My first real tortilla was a pretty little thing. I was all proud of myself. Look-IE there. I made a tortilla. Or a crepe. More of a crepe. But we’re selling it as a tortilla.
The process is a tricky one. You have to be on high alert, because these suckers really only take a couple minutes per side, so you can’t really stray. But since it’s a one at a time process, it’s not a short one.
Fourteen tortillas and almost two hours later, I was ready to be done.
And I was hungry. I slapped two of the suckers down and tossed some leftover chicken in them with some fresh pico.
And it was goooooood!
It was even better later that night, with oven roasted spicy honey salmon filet, avocado crema, some petit diced pineapple, and pico. My husband said the tortillas seemed crepe-like and kind of sweet to him (shhhhhhh, have more spicy honey salmon, babe), but he liked them so much he didn’t even ask for more heat.
Huh. Here I go, proving to myself that you really DON’T have to do two hours of research before trying a new recipe.
That voice in my head that tells me I can’t? It lives the same life as the people who tell others to “Embrace the suck.”
You don’t have to accept that things have to be shitty, just as you don’t have to do everything perfectly. People with that mindset who get promoted are THE REASON things stay shitty. They end up hollowing themselves up and folding in on themselves, no more passion for the cause that should burn them up – to fight to make things better for those who come after them.
My fight last week was small, but it’s my own small effort in a much bigger fight. You don’t have to embrace the crappy grocery store who hides their tortillas next to the ice cream rather than putting it on the bread aisle or the ethnic aisle like every other respectable grocery store.
Make your own damn tortillas.
What I listened to while I cooked: A Court Of Thorns And Roses by Sarah J. Maas (re-read)
What I’m watching lately: Knock Down The House on Netflix
What I’m reading now: Stephen King’s On Writing
